Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If its not for food we ain't going out.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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