i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
