So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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