I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
