They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I want to fling myself into the sun
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