That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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