Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
