I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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