Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I want to be your penis for a week.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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