Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm passing your future prison.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
