Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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