my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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