She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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