this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
