My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
