about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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