I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
