i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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