I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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