you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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