Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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