i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
