Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
