I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
