new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
How's work?
Spinning.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
