So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
