I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
