Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
