yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
