Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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