Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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