girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
