so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
