took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
