You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
