Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
