dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
