He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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