This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
