I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
