I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
