My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
