first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
