brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
