god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
