when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
