john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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