the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
