I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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