dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
