i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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