I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
