we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
