Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
